Missy

I have been thinking a lot about friendship the last week, mostly about my friend Missy.  As I mentioned previously, Missy passed away last Thursday after a brave battle with cancer.  Missy was 39 years old, she was a mother, a daughter, a wife and a sister.  All the things that I am.  I hadn't seen Missy a lot over the last couple years.  When I worked at children's services, we were together every day and even spent a lot of time together outside of work.  But as life goes, when I started working in Columbus, we didn't see each other as much.  At first I would come down and we would all go out to lunch and a few times we met up at other places.  But those became fewer and further between over the last five years.  When I first heard that Missy's cancer had returned, I was broken hearted, I knew she would have to go through treatments that would be hard on her, but I never really believed she would be gone in a few months.  I believed she had the "curable" cancer, after all, she had beaten in before.  Don't get me wrong, I knew she was sick, but in my mind she was always going to get better.  It truly wasn't real to me until the "two week" sentence was given to her.

Here is where I struggle.  We had always talked about what we were going to do.  Specifically, we talked about a girlie trip, a girls night or a girls get together.  It never happened. Maybe we were all too busy, maybe Missy was too sick or maybe it was just more important that she spend time with her family.  I don't know.  What I do know is I have thought a lot about that girlie get together that didn't happen.

I don't have the memory of the get together that didn't happen to remind me of her, but what I do have is some other great memories of a very special lady.  Some serious and some fairly silly.

Missy and my paths first crossed in 2003.  I was "transferred" from social services to children's services as a result of budget cuts, reorganization, or whatever they call it these days.  I wasn't thrilled about going to children's services but it seemed like a better option than job hunting.  The group at children's services was a close nit group.  Maybe it was the nature of the work, but they all looked out for each other and didn't always take to strangers, especially strangers who were moved there from "the big house".  Missy was one of the first people to be nice to me, which doesn't surprise anyone who knew Missy.  It wasn't long before Missy, Kathy and I were together all the time.  We ate lunches together, we walked, we dieted together, we talked about our kids.  We started spending time together outside of work, our kids all got to know each other.

When you work at children's services you experience things that most people wouldn't believe (good and bad).  You find things to smile about, to laugh about and sometimes to cry about.  The confidential nature of the work makes it hard for other people understand what you are experiencing, so it was important that you have true friends at work to talk to.  Missy and Kathy were those friends for me.

Missy was the least pretentious person I have ever met.  She was so...real.  There wasn't anything fake.  She was unassuming and always accepting.  The kids at children's services loved her.  They couldn't wait to share whatever excitement they had during the week with her when they came in.  In fact, everyone loved Missy.  That's not a cliche' or something I only say because she has passed.  I honestly can't think of one person who ever had an unkind word to say about Missy.

But Missy was also strong.  She knew what was right and on occasion she would shed that calm demeanor and give someone a piece of her mind!  One time Kathy, Missy and I were eating at McDonalds (apparently it was one of those times we were off our diet kick) and Missy's french fries were not "fresh".  She literally took them back and made the guy fix her fresh ones while we stood there.  Then, she wouldn't let him put the salt on them because she wanted to do it herself.  It was hysterical!

I wish I would have seen Missy more in those years after I left children's services.  I don't know, call it regret, call it hindsight or just call it a missed opportunity.  I struggled with "visiting" when she was sick.  I didn't feel right just showing up because she was sick, after all, where had I been all those weeks before?  Yet, I am not sure I would have (or should have) done it differently.  I would have done anything for Missy.  She touched my life.

The last time I spoke to Missy, we talked about getting together and doing that girlie night...but time got away from us and now she is gone.

Death is a bitch.